party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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