No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
