For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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