That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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