I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
