found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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