I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We need to get me chipped asap
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
