How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
