ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
