I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
