Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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