I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
