We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
