I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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