when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
