oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
