I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
