You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
