You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Small penises have feelings too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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