Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My ass is underappreciated
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
