your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
