If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
