Don't you send me to vm
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
