i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
