8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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