Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
