Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I will be naked everywhere
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
