3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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