if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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