I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
