Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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