My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
