You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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