The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
