I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
