I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
