this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
