apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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