Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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