we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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