dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
