Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
