Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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