this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
