Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's intense
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
