Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
