I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
