If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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