didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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