she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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